Out of control

I never really learned to drive stick shift. I think I could manage in a pinch, if there were some sort of life or death emergency that involved driving someone to the hospital and the only car was a stick shift. A lot of people judge me for this, but it's honestly not something I had much control over. My dad had a stick shift for a few months while I was learning to drive, but then we got all automatic cars. There was literally nothing for me to practice on.

I would like to learn, someday, if there is someone patient enough to re-teach me.

But that's not really the point. I live in Santiago now and never drive. Ever. It's kind of nice. The only times I kind of wish I had a car is when I have to bring Charlie to the vet. It's not so fun to bring him on the metro. Plus people stare at me more than they already normally do when I'm carrying a cat (he will not stay in a bag, and I haven't bought a carrier yet). Plus, I feel good at myself because I'm not contributing nearly as much to the giant smog cloud over Santiago.

That all being said, I have a re-occurring dream in which I'm driving a stick shift, and everything's going smoothly, until suddenly I realize I don't know what I'm doing. Specifically, I realize that I don't know how to brake. Do you put down the clutch when you brake? Or not? And I'm always going down a steep hill (usually it's a specific hill in my hometown) and there's a stop sign at the bottom and I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. I always wake up before I get to the bottom.

I know this is probably all very symbolic, like I feel I don't have control over my own life, blah blah blah. But I think it's funny because the hill I'm always going down is in rural Vermont, where the possibility of there being traffic at the bottom where I have to stop is slim to none. So there's no real danger.

In other news, I'm heading home today for a couple of weeks. I'm super excited for many obvious reasons and a bit sad and guilt ridden for leaving Charlie behind. But, he will have excellent care takers and hopefully won't hate me too much when I get back. I bought him a mechanical rat to compensate.

Looking at the cup half full

I'm not a big fan of rain. It's wet, cold and unpleasant.

I am, on the other hand, a big fan of clean air. As was discussed in my last post, the rain (temporarily) cleans the smog out of the air and we have views like this:


Worth a few hours of rain, yes? I think so.

Not an emergency, just a "pre-emergency"

View of Providencia from my 13th story apartment last winter. You can barely see the snow-capped Andes in the distance.

In Santiago, the air quality is notoriously bad. The city is nestled between the Andes Mountains and the Coastal Range, which means it sits down in a hole. Look out any upper story window in the winter (and to a lesser extent during the summer too) and you can see the smog. Fly into Santiago during the day and you can see as the plane descends through the smog layer.

Nice image, right?

The majority of pollution (around 70%) is caused by cars and it gets worse in the winter, because as we all learned in elementary school, hot air rises and therefore the smog layer rises as well. I guess this really isn't an improvement, so to speak, but rather a movement of the problem away from our lungs. However, the good thing about winter is that it rains every once in a while and temporarily cleans the air. On days like these I always try to take really deep breaths and of course admire the snow covered Andes that once again come into view.

So what is the Chilean government doing to address this problem? Well, according to these posts, not enough. Chileno points out that as of two years ago, Chile was only measuring PM-10 particles, and that their ranges of "good" (0-100) were considered extremely dangerous in the U.S. Also, apparently Chile doesn't measure for chemicals in the air.

If you take a look at El Mercurio's pollution forecast, it looks like little has changed, at least in terms of what they report to the public. However, Chile's official website This is Chile reported Monday that Santiago is investing money in buying new monitoring equipment. It doesn't state whether this new equipment will measure chemicals or PM-2.5 particles. However, this opinion piece from La Tercera mentions that a new normative to measure PM-2.5 particles has been passed.

The main measure that the government takes to address the pollution problem is vehicular restriction (restricción vehicular in Spanish). On days that the PM-10 particles reach more than 200, the government declares a pre-emergencia ambiental (environmental pre-emergency), and restricts vehicles (depending on the last digit of their license plate) from driving between the hours of 7:30am-10:00pm. For vehicles that don't have a catalytic converters, there is a rotating schedule during the winter for when they can be driven, regardless of pollution levels. Also on pre-emergency days it is not recommendable to do exercise outside.

Is this enough? I don't think so. I'm not sure what the solution is, but one thing that makes me especially angry is when I see people driving in their big car by themselves on they way to work. Carpooling is fun and good for the environment. I think the government (or someone) needs to start measuring the chemicals in the air and create stricter standards for what is considered "good" and "bad" air quality.

I can tell you from personal experience that there are days (like today) that are considered "good" and I walk outside and immediately my eyes start stinging and my throat gets scratchy. My skin has also gotten worse since I've moved here, and while I'm not 100% sure that the air quality is to blame, I bet it has something to do with it. And my problems are trivial when you think about the children who end up in the hospital with lung problems.

Happy Birthday Mommy!!

Mom in El Salvador in 2005

When I was little, and to some extent even today, I liked things to be fair and equal. If my sister got a doll, I wanted a doll. If my brother got to eat a cookie, I wanted to eat a cookie. That is why, even though my Mom's birthday often coincides closely with Mother's Day, I always wanted her to have two special days, two presents, etc. I mean, it's only fair.

Today is my Mom's birthday. I won't put her age even though she is ridiculously young. :)

Happy Birthday Mom!

I honestly couldn't ask for a better person to have brought me into this world and raised me. I have always felt so safe and secure around my mom. I have always trusted 100% that "Mommy knows best," even if I didn't agree with her. She is a person who I know I can always go to for advice, whether it's at what temperature I should cook chicken, or what I should talk about during an interview, or relationship advice. One time, and this is truly amazing, it was my senior year of college and it was parents' weekend. My parents had come to every single parents weekend before and I was fine with them skipping this one. But that weekend, I had an emotional melt down. I called my Mom crying and she literally packed up the car and left right then to drive four hours to come and see me. It was something I really needed and I am forever grateful for that.

My Mom has always been so supportive of everything I've done. From buying my horse Nutmeg when I was ten years old, to playing saxophone in Jazz Band, to deciding to go to Colby, to spending a summer in El Salvador, to moving to Chile, she has been there, by my side in spirit, cheering me on.

At my graduation from Colby

My mom also does amazing things. She volunteers her time to lead the committee in charge of the sister community relationship with San Antonio Grande, El Salvador at our church. She worked one-on-one with a young boy with special needs and formed a very special relationship with him. She is patient, kind and giving of her time and talents. I truly admire her.

Things haven't always been easy. I know I wasn't an easy teenager to live with, for one. I didn't always make the best decisions. I remember being a really sassy brat sometimes and Mom, I thank you for not strangling me in those moments. You showed incredible patience with me.
Honestly, I think it's so hard to be a parent. For so long you're responsible for another human life. My mother had me when she was 24, my age right now. I think about having a child right now and I just can't fathom it. But I turned out more than okay, which is a true testament to my mother (and father, of course). My sincere desire is that I am able to raise my children as well as my Mom and Dad did with my siblings and me.

So Happy Birthday, Mommy! I love you so much and I can't wait to see you in a little more than a week!

At Cerro San Cristobal, May 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

To the wonderful mothers in my life. I wouldn't be who I am today without your unconditional love, support and care.

To my grandmothers, Grammy Donna and Grammy Marvie.A mi mamá chilena, la Ita.
And the best for last, to my one and only Mommy.

I love you all so much and wish you the Happiest of Mother's Days.

What up Cheyenne!!

So I don't check my StatCounter very often, but I happened to do so today and would just like to say hello to whoever is reading me from Cheyenne, Wyoming. When learning the state capitals in elementary school, Cheyenne was always my favorite. Also, Wyoming has the unique distinction of being the only state in the US with less people than Vermont. Congratulations, Wyoming!

So, person from Cheyenne Wyoming, what's up? Want to introduce yourself? I'd really like to know who you are.

On Facebook Privacy

I've had a Facebook for six years. Colby College was one of the first schools added after the original Ivy Leagues. That's right, for those of you who don't remember, Facebook used to only be for college students, and select college students at that. I remember getting excited as more and more schools were added because that meant more people I knew could have a Facebook and I could have more friends. It was great.

And then they added high schools. I didn't like that so much. I liked that Facebook was "exclusive". But I got over it.

Then they opened it up to businesses. Then to EVERYONE.

"Ugh, Facebook is just like MySpace now" everyone said.

Just as Facebook has opened up it's site to more and more people over the years until eventually everyone could have a facebook, it has changed its privacy policies.

Eileen linked to this article on her Facebook page which then linked to this very interesting article on the evolution of the Facebook privacy policy. If it weren't true, it would be hilarious.

Currently, there is NO WAY to not show your birthday, pages you "like", bio and favorite quotes to everyone who has Facebook, unless you simply erase that information from your profile.

I'm not sure why I'm so concerned about privacy. I mean, I have a blog where I blab about my life so obviously I'm not against sharing some information about myself to strangers on the internet. I don't think enough information is available to steal my identity. I have really strong passwords to all important websites. I don't worry about stalkers because I never publish my address or phone number. I've never had any email or cyber stalkers (knock on wood).

I think it comes down to me wanting to be IN CONTROL of what information is out there. I don't want someone who is idly stalking Facebook to click on my profile and see anything about me besides my name. I used to have my picture hidden too, but now that's impossible as well. I want people to have to friend me to be able to see that information. Because if everyone can see it, what is really the point of being Facebook friends? It's as if by implementing these policies (including setting the default for a lot of information to "Everybody" those tricky bastards), Facebook is making being "friends" with someone obsolete!

I don't think I'm to the point where I'm going to eliminate my Facebook. I unfortunately rely on it too much to keep in touch with people. But these changes make me mad.

I encourage everyone who reads this to review their privacy settings on their account. As I mentioned, by default a lot of things are set to "Everyone." Check out this NYTimes article on how to do this.

Abby waits

Living in Chile, sometimes I really identify with Annie from this Ben Folds song:

And so
Annie waits, Annie waits, Annie waits
For a call
From a friend
The same
It's the same
Was it always the same?
Annie waits for the last time
The clock never stops, never stops, never waits
She's growing old
It's getting late
And so he forgot, he forgot
Maybe not
Maybe he's been seriously hurt
Would that be worse?
Headlights crest the hill
Shadows pass her by and out of sight
Annie sees her dreams:
Friday bingo, pigeons in the park
Annie waits for the last time
Just the same as the last time
Annie says "You see this is why I'd rather be alone."
And so
Annie waits, Annie waits, Annie waits
For a call
From a friend
The same
It's the same
Was it always the same?
Annie waits as the last...
Headlights crest the hill
Who will be the one for evermore?
(ooh ooh)
Annie, I could be
If we're both still lonely when we're old
Annie waits for the last time
Just the same as the last time
Annie waits for the last time
Just the same as the last time
Annie waits
But not for me

Just saying.

Sorry Charlie

I was talking to my Dad today on Skype and for some reason I said "Sorry Charlie" to Charlie and it reminded my Dad of this commercial:



I think it's appropriate because Charlie the Tuna and Charlie the Cat are both black and white.

This is another inspiration for Charlie's name:



And finally, aren't they just the spitting image of each other?