I know Sara, Lydia and other Chile bloggers have written about this before. It's high time I got my two cents in as well. I just spent all day in a workshop for Becas Chile recipients about subjectivity vs. objectivity, culture shock, etc, so I would just like to clarify that perhaps I am currently in a low point on the Culture Shock spectrum (I think it's called Adjusting) and also that this opinion is probably very subjective, though I may talk about it as if it were objective. Anyway, here I go.
Chileans don't know how to make plans. Let me re-phrase that. Chileans sometimes make plans, but it's like herding cats to get them to keep their plans. In my experience, this especially applies to long-term plans, which for a Chilean is anything past tomorrow (haha, I joke, kind of). If I had a penny for every long term plan I made with a Chilean that never happened, I'd be a millionaire. There's the typical promise of "juntémonos!" (let's get together!) that never comes to fruition. There are weekend get-away plans, there are plans to get sushi, there are plans to have drinks after work (which admittedly, I can never do because I start work when most people are getting out), there are plans for barbecues, plans to keep in touch.
This was hard for me at first, but I came to accept it from people I didn't know that well. It's part of the culture, and since I'm different, I'm the one who has to adapt. I understand that.
However, recently it has begun to happen with people who are close to me. I fully understand that I am friends with busy people. They are doing very important things and sometimes friends fall by the wayside when you are working and/or studying 15 hours a day. However, if I were that busy (and please, God, never make me that busy EVER) I wouldn't make plans unless I were sure I could keep them. Even if, for example, I made plans with someone then found out I had a test the next day I had to study for, I would probably still get together with that person, but maybe just for a shorter amount of time.
Another thing that I found out about recently is that you're supposed to confirm plans the day of. I didn't know this, and I guess it wasn't necessary until now. But I had made a plan with someone for example on a Sunday for a Wednesday (I know, dumb move!). So I, as a rational gringa, thought that the plan was set. Then on Wednesday, the person never showed up to my house. I was livid. I commented this to my students and they said, "Oh, it's probably because you didn't confirm the day of." Um, what? If I say, "Come to my house at 9:00 on Wednesday" that literally means, "Come to my house at 9:00 on Wednesday." But apparently, some (most?) Chileans think this means "Come to my house on Wednesday only if you call me on Wednesday morning, and since you said 9:00 I'll of course show up at 10:00." Excuse me while I pull my hair out and bang my head against the nearest wall.*
Maybe a Chilean would be more understanding. Maybe I should be more understanding. But honestly, this really bothers me. I know this has to do with the fact that Chileans are also not capable of saying "no" to anything, so when I say "Let's get together this weekend," "Yes, okay!" is the only response they know how to say, even if in the back of their mind they have a test next Monday and will spend all weekend studying, or that it's their Great Aunt Juanita's birthday and they have to spend the weekend with their family in Los Andes.
What I do understand, though, is that I'm the foreigner here. I'm not asking Chileans to change their culture. I do ask for a bit of understanding though, that I am a gringa and I do have different expectations. Sometimes I feel as if I should wear a tee-shirt that says "Gringa: Handle with Care." As in, understand why I'm upset and be a bit culturally sensitive to my different world view. Is that too much to ask?
*In all fairness, this actually wasn't the whole reason the person didn't show up.
7 comments:
my hot water heater exploded on sunday. i could not get ahold of a plumber.
on monday at work i asked everyone in the break room if they knew of a plumber and a number of people replied that they would bring the number the next day.
cooincidentally, one of my coworkers just then recieved a phone call FROM HER PLUMBER. when she hung up, i was like... do you think he would mind coming to my house if i paid for transportation costs? she was like "oh probably, i'll ask him when he calls back in a minute." and i was like...please do, i really need a plumber.
2 minutes later the guy calls back and she is like "k i'll expect you around 4. bye"
the next day nobody had a number for me.
making comments with no intentions to follow through is something i dont plan to ever get over. i'm used to it sure, but it will never make sense.
Chileans are also not capable of saying "no"
Truth.com Even if you ask for directions and they have zero idea how to get where you're going, I have NEVER once had someone tell me "No, I don't know." Instead they'll just send me off in any random direction, to avoid saying no.
And yes, frustrating in all ways. Trying to work with people in the wedding industry makes me crazy too because like you said, they'll make big plans, and then nothing will ever happen.
Ughhh!! This bothers me soooo much. I used to get so pissed and felt hurt when people would make plans with me and never follow through!! I have to say the only people I have ever heard say "no" is at the grocery store I will ask where something is and even before I finish asking they say "no!!" What makes me even madder is when I ask someone where something is and they try to tell me they don't work there... um hello... you are wearing a Lider vest and I am not an idiot!!!
I have gotten used to the always saying yes, and I never even plan on remembering about the plan because it just isn't worth it anymore. I would rather completely forget I had the possibility of doing something than to sit at home thinking about how I am supposed to be out with people doing something fun. sigh... Chileans...
This is so true! It is normal for it to drive you nuts. Being from Chile, I suppose you get used to it, and do not expect people to do anything on a certain date unless they mention it again and reconfirm.
I do not fit the local stereotype in that and many other aspects, and have lived abroad longer than in Chile, so I have my share of 'culture shock' whenever I visit.
Ha ha! I hear a lot about Chileans inability to say no but I´m happy to report that I have yet to have a negative experience with this. I didn´t even realize this until I saw a few people´s posts! Thanks for posting, I´ll be careful about asking for and following directions given to me by Chileans in the future lol!
Yeah. that. It sucks, thought I think over time they get you and get that they should show up or else you'll get freakishly annoyed. They think it's weird, but at least they know what to expect, annoyance-wise.
I was SO hoping this was a call for a gringa get together we've been talking about for forever. When's that going to happen? I think Isabel was game, but then she had the great flood of 2010 and I don't know what happened with that.
The title of your post really drew me to read this and now I have that song stuck in my head- thanks :). I can't really comment on the subject BUT I do know that the work hours and city life are a bit more crazy there then they are here in Ohio which makes it a bit more challenging to get together. I am positive based on what you and others are saying that there is more to it than this but I don't think it helps either.
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